i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize