I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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