yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
