Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
