i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
