hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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