i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
