I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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