I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
