those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
