I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
