she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
