Someone shit on the floor
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
we're so committed to being not committed
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
