The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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