I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think my mom watched the whole time
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
