dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
