I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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