sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just forgot I was standing up.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize