i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
