I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
