had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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