I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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