TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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