I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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