I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
