The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
