We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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