Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
