Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They are going to name an STD after you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
