See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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