Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize