he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
