I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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