I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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