I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
