just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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