We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
