And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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