RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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