my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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