Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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