Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just threw up on my dentist
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
