The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
