Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize