mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
