Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
