pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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