I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
