I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
