His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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