What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im holly from the hills drunk
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
