My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
