I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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