you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize