yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
