someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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