:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
