i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
