Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
