Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
