This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
God gave him joint rollers for hands
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
