you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
