I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize