if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
