Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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