God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
