took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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