yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
