He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
