Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
