He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
