i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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