I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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