Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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