Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my phone needs a breathalizer
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize