If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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