Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
handjob tips. give me some.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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