My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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