Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
