Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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