the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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