I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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